Terrance and Phillip: Asses of Cola
by Killer Cartman
Summary: What happens when Terrance drinks too much cola and sniffs too much Maple Wood Polish? Featuring an appearance from Towelie! NO SLASH. Please r&r. SECOND AND THIRD CHAPTERS NOW POSTED!
1. Chapter 1

**Terrance and Phillip: Asses of Cola**

**Disclaimer: I don't own South Park, but I totally wish I did! **

**A/N: This is my first fanfiction. It will be a series (not sure how long it will be, yet). My sister (****ChapeauVert**** on ) helped me write this, but the ideas and plot were my own. **

**Chapter 1 **

**Phillip**: Terrance! That's your sixth can of cola today!

**Terrance**: Seventh, buddy!

**Phillip**: What aboot that? _He points to a container of wood polish_. What are you doing with maple wood polish?

**Towelie**: He's getting' hiiiigh!

**Phillip**: _Glares at Towelie_

**Terrance**: Hey Phillip, do you want to hear a new joke? _He doesn't wait for a response, just continues_. What do you get when you cross cola and maple wood polish? _Phillip is silent_. I don't know!! _Terrance and Towelie laugh hysterically_.

**Towelie**: It's so funny, my eyes are tearing up! That's why you should always bring a towel!

**Stan**: _Switches the channel to _Channel 4 News. Whoa, this show is getting lame!

**Midget**: This is a Midget In a Bikini reporting live from Hell's Pass Hospital. It appears that Terrance of Terrance and Phillip fame has exploded due to drinking too much cola, then attempting to rehearse fart jokes with Phillip.

**Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Cartman**: Whoa!

**Midget**: He is in critical condition and will be unable to fart for the next three weeks. _He farts_.

**News Anchor**: That was in bad taste, you retarded midget! NO ONE in South Park is allowed to fart for the next three weeks, until Terrance recovers. The mayor passed that bill one hour ago.

**Kyle**: Holy shit, dude!

**Stan**: Poor Terrance!

**Cartman's Mom**: Kids, come for some honey-dipped, chocolate-drizzled powdered donut pancake surprise!

**Kenny and Cartman**: Sweet!

**A/N: Please review, and come back soon to read the next chapter!**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

**Author's Note: Sorry for taking so long to update. I promise this chapter was totally worth the wait! **

**Disclaimer: South Park (including all of these characters) belongs to Matt Stone and Trey Parker. "Uncle Fucker" belongs to and was written by Trey Parker. This story is miiiine! Written with help from ChapeauVert.**

Enjoy!

**Chapter 2**

_Setting: Hell's Pass Hospital. Phillip is visiting Terrance in his hospital room. _

**Phillip**: Holy fuck, buddy, I can't believe you farted yourself to hell!

**Terrance**: Oh, you mean to French Canada, buddy? _Both laugh hysterically. _

**Phillip**: Hey, Terrance! Why are we in Colorado anyway?

**Terrance**: Well, Phillip, buddy, in Colorado, there are the best ass-doctors in the world! Apparently Americans explode themselves by farting often.

**Phillip**: Wow!

**Random American**: Fuck you!

**Phillip**: Fuck you, buddy!

**Terrance**: Yeah! Shut your fucking face, uncle fucker! _Both break out into song. _

**Phillip**: Wow, Terrance. I'm so glad you didn't fart enough to make yourself retarded like Mr. Garrison.

**Terrance**: Yeah! He really should shut his fucking face because he really is an uncle fucker!

**Mr. Garrison**: Am not! I'm not even gay!

**Mr. Hat**: That's right Mr. Garrison!

**Mr. Garrison**: You go to hell! You go to hell and you die!

**Mr. Hat** (in a very deep voice): KIIIILL THEEEM!

**Mr. Garrison**: Shh! Be quiet, Mr. Hat!

**Phillip**: Wow, Terrance! He really is fucked up! Phillip _and Terrance laugh again. _

**Terrance**: Quick, get my hockey stick! This is war, buddy!

**Phillip**: Don't forget your helmet and goalie equipment!

**Towelie**: Don't forget to bring a towel!

**A/N: The next installments will feature Mr. Mackey and Ms. Choksondik (mmkay?). Please review and come back to read chapter three of Asses Of Cola, coming soon to a webpage near you! **


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**Disclaimer: South Park (including all of these characters) belongs to Matt Stone and Trey Parker.**

_Setting outside of Terrance's hospital room Mr. Garrison and Mr. Hat are getting ready to assassinate Terrance_

**Mr. Garrison**: Mr. Hat did you remember the grenades?

**Mr. Hat**: Of course I did Mr. Garrison! I'm not a retard Canadian like they are!

**Mr. Garrison**: Throw it Mr. Hat!

**Random Canadian**: You're trying to kill Terrance and Phillip I am calling the R.C.M.P.!

**Mr. Hat**: You pig fucker this isn't Canada!!

**Mr. Garrison**: Run, Mr. Hat, Run!!

_Mr. Mackey and Ms. Choksondik appear from nowhere_

**Mr. Mackey**: What going on here? Mmkay.

_Officer Barbrady comes into the hospital_

**Officer Barbrady**: Mr. Mackey and Ms. Choksondik you're under arrest!

**Ms. Choksondik**: We didn't do anything Officer!

**Mr. Mackey**: This isn't fair, mmkay!!

_Terrance and Phillip come out of Terrance's room to see what's going on_

**Terrance**: Shut up you shit faced cock-master!!

**Phillip**: Yeah! Shut up you butt-fucker!

**Ms. Choksondik**: Who are you talking to?

**Phillip**: Shut up we want to go back to sleep!.. All of you

**Officer Barbrady**: Are these two guilty?

**Terrance**: Sure, just get out of my face pig fucker!

_Kyle, Stan, Cartman, and Kenny come in to see Terrance and Phillip_

**Cartman**: Mr. Mackey?

**Mr. Mackey**: Yes, Eric? Mmkay.

**Cartman**: Did you know Kyle's mom is a bitch?!

**Mr. Mackey**: Yes Eric…mmkay

**Kyle**: You guys are jerks, Officer Barbrady get him away please.

**Officer Barbrady**: OK kid.

**A/N: The next installments will feature Mr. Mackey and Ms. Choksondik and don't forget Kyle, Cartman, Stan, and Kenny. Please review and read my other stories.**


End file.
